It’s a sad day for a young woman who trains BJJ. 5

In case you missed it, this happened.

This is disgusting. This should not have happened.  This is beyond words– it’s a travesty and I hate that I have to sit here and write about it.

You know what it’s not?  It’s not “too bad” that these two men are “wasting their talent.”  It’s not a “mistake.”  You don’t mistakenly rape someone. You don’t mistakenly leave them unconscious in a parking garage with head trauma.  This is not a mistake.  This is not about “two boys [who] made bad choices.”  This is a conscious decision, made by two coherent, cognizant adults. Yeah, it’s a sad day.  It’s a sad day for the woman whose trust was brutally and violently violated.  It’s a sad day for her, not for these two men.

It doesn’t matter that she was drunk.  In fact, that makes it worse legally– drunk people cannot consent, in the eyes of the law.

It doesn’t matter that she’d been out enjoying New Year’s Eve.

It doesn’t matter what she was wearing.  I don’t care if she was dancing naked in that parking garage.

It doesn’t matter if she’d had any kind of previous intimate encounter with either of these men.

She trusted them to take her home.  She trusted them to have her best interests at heart– they were, in her mind, I’m sure, her friends, her teammates, perhaps even her family.

I hope that this young woman isn’t on the Internet right now. I hope that she’s not reading this, because of the amount of vitriol that has been spewed in the past day or so. I hope she’s surrounded by support and love. But I also know for a fact that she’s not the only one this has happened to; I know there are other women out there who have suffered violations by men in this community.

It makes me sad.  It makes me angry. I read this quote in a book once, and it always comes back to me when I hear about incidents like this: “Most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while most women fear rape and death.”

The world is a sad place.

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5 thoughts on “It’s a sad day for a young woman who trains BJJ.

  • Alex Kennedy

    I totally agree, my wife just began her Jiu Jitsu journy and it saddens me that in a male dominated sport this is one more thing she has to worry about. Also, I imagine that things like this will ultimately deter females from training and parents signing their children up for Jiu Jitsu.

    • Leaahh

      I hope that by writing I gave you some words to use when you talk about it with people in your life… it can be really difficult to find the right words to use when you’re emotionally invested in a topic :/ That’s one reason that I write– it helps me organize it all.